His Power is made perfect in Weakness (Challenges in Changing Seasons, Part 2)

The next few entries is a bit of a fun diary about the motions of life currently (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and how I have been facing some of these challenges with the help of the Holy Spirit, but also the hidden blessings that I am beginning to see within. About six months ago I got married to my wonderful husband and with submitting to another person to follow them it led me from moving to London England to Glasgow Scotland. The transition from being a single woman to being a married woman, alongside changing to a new country and city has been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride of challenges and struggles that I never anticipated. Firstly, marriage has been the most beautiful human relationship I have ever experienced. Secondly, I have grown to love Glasgow and the country of Scotland in such a small amount of time which has led me to realise I could never go back to living in London. Therefore, I am beyond blessed for these great opportunities the Lord has presented me with. However, I would be lying and fake if I was to say that it has been easy, and a struggle free walk these last few months. Instead, it has been the most intense, overwhelming and difficult season of my life. If I were to summarise the main challenges that I have faced through this transition period it would be weakness, loneliness, pride, fatigue, and rigidity or stubbornness. I want to address what I mean by these and how I have tackled them practically with what the Lord has given me; His Word. To go through all now would be a rush and no depth would be gained so I am going to discuss each of them over the following weeks.

The next obstacle I am learning to overcome in this season is weakness. I have found that whenever going through a period of drastic change all of your weaknesses, flaws and difficulties seem to be highlighted to the point that you feel useless and like the situation is impossible to overcome. I remember going from GCSE to A-levels and sitting my first set of mock exams to which I failed pretty much everything. At GCSE I had never once failed anything and this shock hit me hard. Outside our current flat they have recently built a footbridge which connects one side of the river Clyde (the central river that runs through the centre of the city of Glasgow, similar to the Thames in London) to the other. When walking across this bridge that I can see from my window it made me reflect on this giant gap when going through a transition period. It always seems as though there is no smooth bridge to easily walk across but rather you’re asked to run, jump, and hope for the best which often results in landing in the water and splashing around chaotically to prevent yourself from drowning. Many times I feel like I am flailing around just trying to stay afloat because the current of the water is too strong trying to weigh me down and drag my weak body under. I had never been married or a wife before. I had never lived more than two and a half hours away from my home town before. I had never lived in a new country before where I didn’t have any relatives, family, or friends nearby. I had never not been in education and only working before. I had never been in the leadership positions within church that I am in now before. I was suddenly stepping into multiple new roles and circumstances at once and with this I had no clue (and still have no clue) what I am doing and how to navigate these situations well. I felt so weak, helpless and useless from the get-go and often the idea of running back to my comfort zones were very tempting and appealing. I had never grown up spending much time in the kitchen cooking, and so I didn’t learn this essential skill. A few months ago, I struggled to boil plain rice. One day I stood in our flat kitchen attempting to cook one of our first home cooked meals since returning from honeymoon. Tears were flooding my eyes as I sobbed into my husband’s shoulder because the basic chicken stew I was trying to make was turning out a disaster (thank God my husband knows a thing or two about cooking as he managed to rectify the miserable situation and save the stew). Some more weaknesses of mine are dancing and singing. In church I have always been a faithful Airport Star (hospitality team) and that is where my strengths lie due to my partly sanguine personality, my ability to smile and relate with people, and my choleric side making me able to organise things well. But now as well as leading the Airport Stars here in Glasgow I was delegated to oversee the dancing star rehearsals and now asked to begin the choir with a small group of girls. Never before had I been in choir, and as for dancing my left foot doesn’t like my right foot so coordination is a myth for me.

Now by the grace of God I have a selection of meals that I can cook to a nice standard, and ministrations in the church will be starting in the next two weeks. From what seemed like an impossible task to embark on has now become an achievable vision. The only way I have been able to progress forward with all my weaknesses is with the help of the precious Holy Spirit. “…Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord God Almighty” (Zechariah 4:6 NIV). It has only been by the power of the Holy Spirit that I have been able to walk in the positions God has opened up to me, because if it was by my own abilities I would still have been stuck in the original place of despair and failure. When the Lord created the world “now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters,” (Genesis 1:2 NIV) because it wasn’t until the Spirit of God came to the earth that anything could be created from the nothing. The only way you can progress and move forwards through the areas of life that seem dark and void is only when you have the Holy Spirit to move you forwards. Paul told the church at Corinth that the Lord spoke to him when he asked for his weakness to be taken away saying, “…My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul responded that he would, “…boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in my weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV). If we were consistently strong in our own abilities pride would prevent us from humbling ourselves to depend on the Holy Spirit to lead our lives rather than ourselves. It wasn’t until Paul was weak that the Holy Spirit could move in his life, and that is where the real source of strength comes from.

A common emotion I felt with weakness has often been depression. When I studied the book of Nehemiah for my Quiet Time I read a book called Unlocking the Bible by a great Bible teacher called David Pawson. At the time I was studying the books of Ezra and Nehemiah. As I delved into reading on their individual characters, I learnt that in contrast to the teacher Ezra’s often melancholic, despairing, weeping, and depressing mood, that the man of Nehemiah was the optimist who tackled the task hands on practically and filled with positivity. Nehemiah told the people in chapter 8 verse 10 that “…the joy of the Lord is my strength,” (NIV) as they were complaining of exhaustion from the pressures of building the walls of Jerusalem in 52 days. Many times joy isn’t just a remedy for anti-heaviness and anti-depression, but joy in the Lord is the answer to become strengthened. Paul told the Philippians in chapter 4 verse 11 that “…I have learnt to be content whatever the circumstances” (NIV), and I realised many times it is about perspective. I could sit and cry when a recipe doesn’t go the way I had planned, or instead I can reflect and think what have I learnt from this mistake I made to progress forwards in the future? I could sigh with my head in my hands when I am instructed to help in an area of church that I don’t have much knowledge or experience, or I can decide to rise up like Nehemiah and practically try and learn what to do. Our weaknesses will always be present, but it is our choice how we respond to those situations of weakness.

In the past I had often felt that showing your weaknesses to others made you even weaker, but I have come to realise that vulnerability around your weaknesses rather brings strength. Paul told the Corinth church again that “To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some” (1 Corinthians 9:22). Many times the way that people bond and form deep relationships is through sharing weaknesses and difficult experiences. Forbes magazine has stated that the most important quality to being successful is the ability to relate to other people, and many secular studies have shown that the most valuable human resource is people. When we always put on a front or an appearance of strength a barrier is placed to prevent us from forming meaningful connections with those around us. A profound moment in my life was at a camp where my spiritual father Bishop Dag Heward-Mills preached on the steps to healing. One of the first steps was the acknowledgement that you are not alone in your problem. Once you begin to share your problems with others you become more relatable and able to form stronger relationships with those around us. Being weak with each other is what builds the most beautiful bonds.