Challenges in Changing Seasons, Part 1

 The next few entries is a bit of a fun diary about the motions of life currently (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and how I have been facing some of these challenges with the help of the Holy Spirit, but also the hidden blessings that I am beginning to see within. About six months ago I got married to my wonderful husband and with submitting to another person to follow them it led me from moving to London England to Glasgow Scotland. The transition from being a single woman to being a married woman, alongside changing to a new country and city has been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride of challenges and struggles that I never anticipated. Firstly, marriage has been the most beautiful human relationship I have ever experienced. Secondly, I have grown to love Glasgow and the country of Scotland in such a small amount of time which has led me to realise I could never go back to living in London. Therefore, I am beyond blessed for these great opportunities the Lord has presented me with. However, I would be lying and fake if I was to say that it has been easy, and a struggle free walk these last few months. Instead, it has been the most intense, overwhelming and difficult season of my life. If I were to summarise the main challenges that I have faced through this transition period it would be weakness, loneliness, pride, fatigue, and rigidity or stubbornness. I want to address what I mean by these and how I have tackled them practically with what the Lord has given me; His Word. To go through all now would be a rush and no depth would be gained so I am going to discuss each of them over the following weeks.

The first hurdle I want to explore is pride because it has been a topic I have touched on previously. Something I learnt from reading a book called ‘Those who are proud’ by Bishop Dag Heward-Mills is that pride can manifest in different forms. I was previously deceived into thinking pride was just vanity, for example in my physical appearance, but I soon learnt it was much deeper within the heart. As I read, I managed to diagnose many elements of pride within my own self, and reflecting on this season I can see many times how pride has risen to the surface of my character. Pride has come in several different forms on this journey. The first was entering this phase of life thinking that I had all the knowledge needed and would be able to manage just fine with that. From the blessing of wonderful marriage counsellors in our church that sacrifice there time to help feed us with knowledge when entering marriage I would listen to the points taught and mentally tick each off in my head thinking I could do it easily. When you’re taught as a wife to submit to your husband as in Colossians 3:18 (NKJV), “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord”, I realised it’s much easier to say ‘yes please’ and offer a helping hand with anything your beloved may need assistance with when you’re at a distance living different lives in different households. You can just put aside thirty minutes of your evening schedule to complete a task they may have asked for your help with and then continue with your own routine and plans after. However, at the time I was learning about submission as a wife and thinking to myself that I had already been implementing and executing this command very well I hadn’t fully experienced the depth of submission when your lives are now merged, you’re living in the same household, and there isn’t a break from being joined together. What I am trying to highlight is that my pride in my own abilities had deluded me from realising the difference in these circumstances and the need to humble myself and seek the Lord for help in navigating this new role. Soon life humbled me and I had to ask God to help me learn step by step. One of the wisdom keys the Holy Spirit revealed to me was to humble myself and soften my heart to seeking counsel from more experienced examples of the walk I am on. In response I began to make friends with lovely sisters in Christ who have been married years ahead of me to discuss questions I have, receive advice and counsel. Many of the ideas I have started to implement into my household have come from wiser, and more experienced wives than myself. Another element of pride other than in the marital context I experienced was in serving the Lord through church. In my previous church branch I had been active in serving God, both on a Sunday and during the week, both in a ministry and through smaller fellowship groups. Even though I had not been a leader of one of these smaller groups I worked very closely with my Pastor who oversaw the constituency at the time and from assisting him I had begun to assume that I had all the knowledge I needed to know what to do as a leader. Turns out I was very wrong. Now, don’t be mistaken, having this exposure, his teaching and his guidance has really helped me and trained me for the new position I am in, but it doesn’t replace the experience and doesn’t cover the smaller intricacies and details that I was oblivious too. I had only seen through one small window and assumed I had been inside the house. When coming to a smaller branch of the church to assist your husband you can think it is going to be all glamour being the campus shepherd’s wife. Until it gets to Sunday morning and you’re hauling speakers up flights of stairs and instead of just an Airport Star you’re also an usher laying out chairs. I had dreamed since becoming a Christian of being a Pastors wife. I believe it is a beautiful job and one I am so happy to be able to fill. But I didn’t anticipate the hard work that would come alongside because my pride was leading me to focus on the title to look good in my reputation. The danger of this pride is that it leads you to becoming ungrateful and unthankful for the blessed opportunity God has given you. Soon I found myself complaining about having to work hard to help as an usher, and complaining of muscle pain from lifting heavy equipment, and complaining of back ache from having to drive all across the city to bus people to service and complaining of tiredness from having to pack away boxes of microphones and mixers. What I had forgotten is the privilege I was in to be given so many opportunities to serve God in so many more capacities that I hadn’t yet gotten to experience before. Serving God and doing something for His house is the best work you can do, and now instead of just one role on a Sunday I was given multiple roles, enabling me to be blessed even more in return for my service. What an honour to be given. In humbling myself in starting the process of learning how to do multiple duties that I hadn’t needed to learn beforehand I realised that God isn’t looking for talent or somebody that knows it all already, but rather for a faithful and willing heart. With just humbling yourself to be reliable, constant, and willing to learn God can achieve so much more with you than somebody that thinks they know it all already. “If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land” (Isaiah 1:19 ESV).

The second form of pride that I have experienced bubbling up is the pride of wanting to be recognised. When I was in a larger branch of my church you’re constantly seen by your peers. When I managed to fill my car full of people to bring to church it could be seen and noticed. I started to realise how good it made me feel, and soon the motive behind winning souls for Christ could easily become a mix between looking good in the church and pleasing God. When you are far away from the eyes of other people your motives are really tested because you’re no longer seen, recognised, or appreciated by others. On Sunday’s back in London people would thank you for welcoming them to church, and you could stand at the front in a pretty dress with an offering basket to be seen, or people would watch you work hard packing away communion trays. But when you’re in a smaller branch nobody thanks you for setting up service and packing away, ensuring communion is always ordered, making sure that everybody has snacks and refreshments for after service. Nobody appreciates you or recognises you. It is just between you and God. Now nobody see’s what you do for God week in and week out, and at first I would feel exhausted and deflated from this. As my pride began to be knocked down slowly and humility begun to rise I realised that it’s not about people noticing me. The purpose of serving God is for God and not for man. “Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10 NIV). You can only be a true servant of Christ if your motive is to please Him and not to please man. I am here to work for the Lord, not to please man. “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving” (Colossians 3:23-34 NIV). I have realised that I shouldn’t have to wait for a title and for people to recognise you before you give it your all for God. I don’t have any formal title, and neither am I worthy of one within the church. I may never have a formal title or appointment, and I am now fully alright with that. Whether promoted or not promoted my aim is to continue to humble myself so that I can serve God to the full capacity, and not to please other people. It is a beautiful desire to desire an office within the church, however I have realised that those with titles have most likely had to go through a test of humility to be able to attain the position that they rightly have.